Posted by: mizzdubya | April 26, 2010

Best Days and Worst Days

As a teacher, the best days are the ones where students take what you’ve been talking about in class and run with it, coming up with analyses of the text that are fresh, interesting, and insightful.

The worst days are when the school bathroom smells like minty turds.

Today was a little bit of both.

Posted by: mizzdubya | April 7, 2010

Marketing Miss

I just received an email for Trisha Yearwood’s cookbook. Isn’t she a country singer? What in tarnation could she possibly have to say about cooking that a crunchy veggie like me would want? I don’t think they’re roasting turnips on those cattle drives…

Posted by: mizzdubya | January 21, 2010

Potato Chip Fail

I know I’m the asshole who bought the Terra Crinkles Candied Sweets potato chips(tm), but holy christ on a shingle do they suck.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought them. Somehow “candied sweets” did not tip my dumb little mouse brain off that these potato chips would involve sugar and cinnamon. “Indonesian cinnamon,” to be precise. More like shoe leather cinnamon. I can’t get the damn taste of it out of my mouth (that’s what SHE said), no matter how much I drink. Ech.

Yet I kind of want some more. Asshole.

Posted by: mizzdubya | December 17, 2009

Fuck You, Ben Folds

Perhaps spurred by my recent discovery of an ancient mix tape, I’ve been trolling Youtube lately, looking for songs from my “yoot” to listen to for free. In looking for songs from 1999, I came across a song that pissed me off back when I heard it, and pisses me off now, and it’s by no other than that venerable Sing-Off judge, Ben Folds.

The song is “Brick,” and man, every time I hear that song I want to punch him in his overly large forehead. Nothing pisses me off more than a song about abortion in which the guy, who last time I checked, didn’t have to have his uterus vacuumed out, calls that girl who’s knocked up a “Brick” that is making him drown.

What a fucking douchey thing to say. Yeah, the melody’s beautiful and all, but really. YOU feel like you’re drowning because your swimmers pierced your special lady friend’s egg? Guess what, buddy? How do you think the girl feels, huh?

I can tell you, as a person who was once in that position. It feels like you ARE drowning, in misery and confusion and anger and helplessness. Because you are a person who should have known better and still fucked up. Because you are nineteen and think that there’s no fucking way I am having a kid right now, there’s no way I can do what *my* biological mother did, which was to carry the kid for 9 months and then pop it out and be able to be strong enough to give it up. Because you have a shitty boyfriend who can’t be bothered to leave his college and come with you to the clinic where you are terrified of going and where you will accidentally see the sonogram that confirms you are, indeed, baking a bun, a bun that will have its baking time cut way, way short.

Gar. Yeah, a bit ranty, but man, that feels good. It’s taken me so long to come to terms with having had an abortion some 13 years ago, with not feeling completely ashamed of what I did, that it’s hard for me to feel any sympathy for the guy. Especially if the guy is as douchey as my then-boyfriend. Or Ben Folds, in this song.

Posted by: mizzdubya | December 17, 2009

Mix Tapes

The other day I popped in a tape I had in my car labeled “Christmas Songs” and was completely surprised to hear not some Christmas music, but rather an assortment of songs that I had recorded, many off the radio, from sometime in the early nineties (my middle school/early high school years).

The cool thing about this tape was that I could recall when I last listened to it (junior year of high school) and
what I was doing the last time I heard it (scraping ice off my parents’ driveway).

Mind you, I’m 32 now, so it was a powerful reminder of just how strong our associations with music can be.

It also made me just a pinch sad for kids today, who will never know the joy of a mixed tape, whether in its creation (desperately trying to tape the song off the radio with a minimum of DJ chatter or, depending on the station and one’s position vis-a-vis the radio tuner, static) or in its listening (the intent at the time of the creation of the tape, as well as the sense of semi-permanence, for songs can’t be dragged and dropped willy-nilly).

Not to say I’m a nostalgia whore by any means, but it’s been quite enjoyable rocking out to the tape (as well as wondering what the hell I was thinking about when recording some of the songs).

Best surprise? Every Rose Has Its Thorn, by Poison. Awesome.

Posted by: mizzdubya | December 6, 2009


I am too much of a pussy and too afraid of rejection to play Lexulous with anyone but the practice game vs. the computer.

However, the other day I massed an incredible 319 point word.   Two triple word scores plus a 2x letter score.

I was at home, supposedly doing work, so I had to high-five myself.

I left that screen up all damn day.

Posted by: mizzdubya | November 25, 2009


1. I need to learn more arcane words. I’ve been tooting around the Lexulous website, playing practice rounds because I am a big puss and don’t want to face the faceless rejection of no one wanting to play with me. I realized that when it comes to bizarro words, I don’t know squat.

2. I purchased soy-based whip cream today. I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m nervous.

3. I lost my shit twice today at work, but in a good way. The first was when one of my students said he thought an actor in a movie we were watching looked like Tobey Maguire, but then realized the actor was a midget. (The actor was not a midget.) The second was when a student in a different class suddenly “played dead” at his seat when explaining how a character in a novel died.

I cried I laughed so hard. I love the days before a vacation.

Posted by: mizzdubya | November 10, 2009

Feeling Crotchety

A positive, a negative, and another negative:

A positive:  Have restarted Eat to Live diet.  Things were getting out of control on the whole eating too much/gaining lots of weight train, so I’ve decided to derail it.  My goal?  Lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks on the strict part of the diet.  Last time I did the Eat to Live I came pretty close to that.  Just have to make it through the holidays…good thing I don’t eat meat.

A negative:  Cutting out all the sugar in my diet is making me feel a bit cantankerous.  Gwarrr.

Another negative: I have been following an ex-friend’s husband’s twitter.  (I know, complicated, right?)  He’s a douchebag (although he doesn’t really fit into any of those categories, so maybe he’s just a self-righteous prick), and I actually can’t stand him, yet I check his twitter feed anyway.  It’s like deliberately poking myself in the eye with a pencil eraser or scratching my nails on a chalkboard–annoying, irritating, and something I can stop at any time, yet don’t.  Anyway, his current soapbox is something that really burns my biscuits, but I’m not going to respond or anything.  Instead, I’m just making myself crankier than I would be for no good reason.  Damn you, Web 2.0!

Finally, it’s my half birthday!  Happy half birthday to me.  That must be why I’m so damn crotchety.  Another step closer to old person stink!

Posted by: mizzdubya | November 5, 2009


I just received an email from Macy’s today, with the following subject line: The Yankees win it all! Celebrate with a Waterford Crystal baseball!‏

What? Really? I can’t think of a more incongruous way to celebrate a team’s victory.

Except maybe by creating tiny baseball bats with diamond-encrusted lobster meat and tiny baseballs with hand-painted caviar.

Posted by: mizzdubya | August 28, 2009

Happy Meals

I am pumped.

I just discovered today that my little blog was recently landed upon by someone searching for “sapphic pussy eating.”

I don’t know whether to be impressed by the searcher’s use of “sapphic,” or disappointed that s/he didn’t go all the way (ha! pun!) and embrace the full Latin construction of “sapphic cunnilingus.”

Christ, I can only imagine the visitors I’m going to get now. (If you’re one of those visitors, well, then, hi! I don’t generally write about sisterly muffin munching, but I’m glad you’ve stopped by. Feel free to stay and chat, but I imagine that if you’ve arrived here on your search, you’ve probably got more pressing internet sites to visit. Good luck!)

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